The Beauty that transcends sun shine and rain

This title used to be the tag line for Asian paints in their advertisement. More than that, this was used by one of my teachers in school to address a few of us who had a darker complexion than others. I wanted to write this post as I saw one of my friends who recently put up a post in Facebook against NanditaDas’s initiative “Dark Is Beautiful”. This post is not to argue against his views, rather to point out my views on the same, through different anecdotes that happened in my life. 

If I start it in the chronological order, it starts with my mother on her wedding day overhearing one of my aunts speaking to someone that my mother will have “kaka kunjungal” (literarily translated in English to crow babies; usually used to comment on a kid with dark complexion) as both my mother and father were dark in color. There I was being judged well before I was born. My mother made sure that her first son, my brother, is fair enough to be not called as a crow baby. She used cream of milk along with turmeric powder on my brother’s body when he was an infant, which she claims to be the reason why my brother turned out to be fairer than me. In my case, I was born sick; I was admitted for 3 months just after my birth, also I had frequent fever and other diseases which made my mother less worried about fairness of my skin. So I turned out to be the crow baby which my aunt predicted four years back.

That was just the beginning, in school, one of my teachers used to address all students with a darker complexion using the title of this post. I was a decent boy who wouldn’t hurt anyone or fight with anyone because if I start a fight with someone he/she would call me “karimban” (Malayalam slang for Dark guy). And that used to hurt me a lot during that point of time. Though “karimban” just meant Dark Guy, for me it used to make me feel that I was an insignificant worm at whom people kick or look with contempt. There were many of my friends who used to get teased by this above mentioned teacher, if they did some mischief or sometimes for no reason. I, being a studious boy, was teased very rarely, but when he did, it did hurt me. Surprisingly this teacher used to be our favorite in school. I am sure many of my other friends who also got teased by him might have felt bad. If not they might be highly mature at that time to know that life is more than the color of skin, which I realized very late. I was good at sports and studies, in fact I got both proficiency prize (prize given for academic excellence) and sports championship in the same year, but I sure was ready to trade both of these to get a fairer complexion.

Life continued, I started realizing more important things in life. I joined NIT and on one Onam I went to visit my old school with two of my friends. I was pretty famous in my school though I was visiting it after 3 years. All the teachers and the office staff still remembered me and they all asked about my well-being with great interest. I felt really good, so I decided to take stroll through the school campus and ponder over the nostalgic days left behind. Onam celebrations was going on, students in all classes were busy preparing flower carpets. I was received with warm welcome in all classes and I was asked to rate their flower carpets. I was walking with a lot of pride and giving comments about their flower carpet whenever I was asked to. During this time, students from 5th got hold of my hand and dragged me into their class and asked me to judge their effort. While I was thinking about what to comment, I heard one of the boys asking another who is this “karimbootham” (Dark devil)? I felt as if I was an air filled balloon whose open end was just released. All the pride and happiness that I felt vanished in a fraction of second. There I realized that all the concept of fairness not being an important part of life, which I developed, was similar to a castle of cards, ready to be shattered by a gentle breeze. Though I could laugh at that incident when I told this to my friends, deep down I could sense that the wound was still not healed.

Though my obsession for a fair skin dropped drastically once I joined the college, few of my habits still had link to this obsession. I selected only light shades of shirt; I considered very fair girls to be way out of my league; I took photos only when there is enough light or flash turned on; I made friends only with crap looking guys (Arjun, Gokul, Ashley, AKP and Das yea I meant you guys itself). It’s only in final year of my college I started making changes to this routine with my girlfriend convincing me to try dark shades of shirt who herself was far far fairer than me. Though that relation was short-lived, she could instill the confidence in me that I was something more than a “karimban”. I still take photos with flash turned on and am still friends with those crap looking guys. But my outlook has changed a lot, though I have never tested how rigid my beliefs are.

But I still live in a world, a world where my neighbor was not sad because her son married a girl from other caste (this is the usual case) but because the girl had a dark complexion and was very happy when her grand-daughter turned out to be fair, a world where my friend asked me to check if I know any white girl suitable for her cousin brother who is very fair and a world where tons and tons of fairness cream is produced to meet the demand. I am not sure whether NanditaDas’s initiative will achieve the desired result, but it sure would have made my childhood more fantastic.

PS: When I look back, I don’t feel angry towards people who teased me for my complexion, but owe them for making me understand what is important in life.

Yea that's me; I guess I had a melanin deficiency at that time

My brother always has been this cute, thanks to milk cream and turmeric powder.

Look at the amount of powder on my face.  

From Kudiyan To Fejo

College days were over and only the sweet memories were left. Looking back at these four years, it was really fun. It was filled with lots of emotions, friends, love, pain, fights and gossiping. In the mean time my country ‘friends’ started calling me ‘KUDIYAN’ which was quite "ironical" to my behaviour. Like everyone else I too hated to study in college. But I really loved exam times because that was when “we” really had lots of fun. Lot many subjects came up in our discussions, even though the main topic during the final semesters were about the real “sasi”’s, who were born after third year tour and many awaiting sasi’s. In the mean time I forgot one thing: to prepare for my placements. May be it was because I had been offered a lecture post in a nearby college or perhaps I could complain it on my disinterest.

Thus I ended up as a lecturer just fifteen days after being a horrible student. On the first day, I tried to bring in a fake maturity on my face and entered into a class room filled with sixty young pretty girls. It wasn’t that tough for me to give them an impression that I really was a budhijeevi. I was assigned to teach digital electronics for one batch and micro processor for another . I really wanted to be a good teacher. But with my limitations (knowledge-wise), I couldn’t be one. So I taught them only the topics which I knew and skipped the rest by giving them as one page assignments. As they were new to one page assignments, they kept liking me. In the mean time I was really struggling with my ‘limitations’. I even put a test on a day when I hadn’t prepared anything and gave them all very nice marks, which really improved my popularity. I think I wasn’t that strict coz some of my students even commented on my dressing style (obviously negatively). Through these, what I call it as ‘udaaip’, I survived there.

Meanwhile I studied, for two reasons: one I was out of college so I was beyond the curse, second I was selected for an interview at ISRO with the best talents of my class and I didn’t want ISRO to wonder how I had cleared written test. But even that couldn’t help me as I screwed up the interview big time. But after that, I attended an interview at “I Think Therefore I AM” and the questions were from topics which I had to teach to my young pretty students.So that went fine and i was back home taking classes,when the HR guy from ITTIAM called and told me about my offer. I had no one around but my dear students to share my happiness and i'm pretty sure that without their help, I wouldn’t have cleared the interview. As ITTIAM had asked me to join immediately,the next day was going to be my last day as a teacher.

Next day, I was sitting in the staffroom writing my relieving letter,when a large group of students called me out of the staffroom and they exchanged a lot of senti dialogues with me. I was really surprised when they told me that I had a pet name ‘FEJO’. I never knew that I could "influence" them this much.(http://picasaweb.google.co.in/103642992275374071913/Personal#5514433052304345234). In the afternoon another set of girls whom I had never taught before came to me and congratulated me and mentioned about the popularity of my new name. For a second I became emotional. For the first time in my life I was being respected, loved that too by beautiful young ladies.

PS: Here in ittiam its total fun. It’s an amazing place, with amazing people (like those in PCI) and I really enjoy every moment here. I am learning a lot, apart from Table tennis and preparing bournvita, I also learn C, ANDROID and lot more......